Things I’ve Learned from The Princess Bride

220px-Princess_brideThat day, she was amazed to discover that when he was saying “As you wish,” what he meant was, “I love you.” And even more amazing was the day she realized she truly loved him back.

That’s right. When I was your age, television was called books. And this is a special book. It was the book my father used to read to me when I was sick, and I used to read it to your father. And today I’m gonna read it to you.

Murdered by pirates is good.

And YOU: friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless! Do you want me to send you back to where you were? Unemployed? in Greenland?

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?

You mean, you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword, and we’ll try and kill each other like civilized people?

-Ever hear of Plato? Aristotle? Socrates?

Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.

-We’ll never survive.
-Nonsense. You’re only saying that because no one ever has.

Who says life is fair?

Well, I’m not saying I’d like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.

Rodents Of Unusual Size? I don’t think they exist.

No one would surrender to the Dread Pirate Westley.

I swear it will be done.

Nobody withstands…the machine.

Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.

My Westley will always come for me.

The Dread Pirate Roberts is always close to Florin this time of year.

Please consider me an alternative to suicide.

Get some rest. If haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything.

You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.

-Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do.
-What’s that?
-Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Death cannot stop true love; it can only delay it.

There’s a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.

-Grandpa, maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow?
-As you wish.


Published by James Rovira

Dr. James Rovira is higher education professional with twenty years experience in the field in teaching, administration, and advising roles. He is also an interdisciplinary scholar and writer whose works include fiction, poetry, and scholarship exploring the intersections of literature and philosophy, literature and psychology, literary theory, and music and literature.. His books include Women in Rock/Women in Romanticism (in development), David Bowie and Romanticism (forthcoming 2022), Writing for College and Beyond (a first-year composition textbook (Lulu 2019)), Reading as Democracy in Crisis: Interpretation, Theory, History (Lexington Books 2019), Rock and Romanticism: Blake, Wordsworth, and Rock from Dylan to U2 (Lexington Books, 2018); Rock and Romanticism: Post-Punk, Goth, and Metal as Dark Romanticisms (Palgrave Macmillan, 2018); and Blake and Kierkegaard: Creation and Anxiety (Continuum/Bloomsbury, 2010). See his website at for details.

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